Peer review wasn’t a new concept to me when entering this course but they way I do give reviews has changed drastically. In class, we had to leave comments and write a feedback letter for those in our peer review groups. I was familiar with leaving comments but had never written a feedback letter before. When Prof. Miller was going over how to peer review I learned a lot. I was totally the person who would just mark spelling mistakes and grammatical errors and call that a reviewed paper. After going over in class how a couple spelling mistakes aren’t going to help improve your papers claim. I stopped doing that. Now in my feedback letters and comments, I never go over spelling not even in my local concerns sections. I focus on more vital areas like organization and the claims being made. From doing this my peer review sessions go much smoother and we are left with gaps of nothing to talk about. I’ve been told by one of my classmates how helpful my comments were in kick-starting the rest of his paper. Peer review has been helpful to me too. When I’m going over my peers writing I’m getting ideas about things to talk about or go into more depth in my writing.
Feedback Letter Paper 2:
Hey Ryan, it’s Kayla. Just wanted to say I enjoyed reading your paper, even though we only started writing a few days ago I think your off to a great start. Here are some smaller less content oriented details for you to take note of. I think most of our papers have these be cause like I said it’s still early in the drafting process.
Local Concerns:
- MLA format. Remember to do last name and page number in the heading. Also, the correct order of name, teacher, class, due date in the upper left-hand corner.
- Come up with a cool title that sums up your paper.
- Remember to do your work cited page. Before you write your cites out I would recommend copy and pasting the journal urls towards the end of your essay so you don’t have to go digging through the archive to find them again.
- Read your essay aloud and condense/ lengthen sentences for clarity. It’s a draft if it doesn’t sound right then changes it
Here are some more detailed explanation on my comments and about larger themes and topics in your paper that you could take note of:
Global Concerns:
- In your first paragraph and a couple others you start off with very similar topic sentences. Not every paragraph directly deals with that topic sentence and instead focuses on a narrower within that sentence. I would double check that what you address in your topic sentence is actually what your talking about in that paragraph.
- I think “food […] Tv” is your topic sentence. Like I said in my one comment the first half and the second half feel like their addressing two different areas. If you want to talk about civilization go into a little more detail about how cooking and food has affected civilization. Not too much because you’ll be addressing it in your body paragraphs but more than what you currently have.
- I think your paper structure is a little bit disorganized. Your paragraph end and start at weird points without full exploring topics. I would go over what you have so far and try grouping your smaller sections into larger ones.
- So obvious thing is you don’t have quotes. I can tell you made more of an outline and are working on filling it in. Nothing wrong with that but when you do put in quotes make sure to dedicate space for introducing, analyzing and relating it back to your thesis. I don’t think we have the printed-out version but if you check last week’s weekly menu it gives a good template to integrate quotes into paragraphs. Ill copy and paste it below
-Your claim. Set it up with topic sentences
-Introduce your quote with a signal phrase
-Quote (1) from source 1
– Explain how your quote supports the claim
– Transition into Quote 2
-The payload—explain how these passages help advance your claim.
In a paper like this one, we should have 3 meaningful text-on-text moments to extend and advance our ideas.
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